Solitude Standing

… or “I’m a poor lonesome cowboy, and a long way from home…”. The idea here is not to talk about Lucky Luke, the cowboy faster than his shadow, but rather talk only about the demystification of loneliness and the exaltation of the good part of it⁽¹⁾. Anyhow, this post has been somewhat inspired by Suzanne Vega’s⁽²⁾ song with the same title (in “Solitude Standing”, 1987 – listen this on nRP (netRadio Porto)).

First of all, let’s think positive and, in fact, see the thought “better alone than in bad company”⁽³⁾ as a stand point. Second, another situation to be definitely avoided is the loneliness you feel even when you are among a bunch of people. Third, complementing the previous one and giving space to redundancy, getting surrounded by a bunch of people does not resolve one’s loneliness problem. Have you already realized, for instance, that leadership, even if good, drives very often the leader to loneliness?

I never took persons, in general, as something I would instantaneously appreciate and freely trust. People always appear to me as something weird, kind an extraterrestrial stuff, and causing on me some sensation of discomfort. Intelligence is mankind’s main problem given the highly insane state many men and women always live in. This state of constant and non self-perceived insanity of human beings has always been something I barely have handled with. The very same intelligence, which in some elements of human species I never was able to find out, is responsible for a not very much adequate management of loneliness or, if you prefer, integration in social groups. In fact, the common man or woman runs very often away from loneliness like a deer runs from the lion. Any deer is prepared by nature to define a lion as dangerous. This is instinct. Any man or woman is prepared by pairs to react to loneliness as something very malignant. This is mind modeling⁽⁴⁾. If on one hand, it suits well to turn the phrase “no man is an island” (John Donne, in Mediation VII) to a slogan aiming social goals, on the other, the sentence “every man is an island” might be turned to a deep truth if one is really able to feel and understand its broad scope. Whether by instinct, mind modeling or conscious mind, how far can everyone stand solitude?

Who is in the other side of your life? Who is missing you? Who are you missing? This is relevant, surely is. This is what moves many people in the world and what might be considered the seed of loneliness problematic. A human being has, as a general rule, a strong need of being connected to someone, sentimental or emotional wise. This is a sign of inner fragility as much as is a sign of our own substrate (or should I say “soul”?) which stands much beyond our “flesh & bones” structure. Altogether, we all feel this irresistible desire of being connected to someone, a live being, rational or not. No wonder if, smartly, some telecommunications companies use very often the slogan “Get Connected!” through what they intend to drive people to shopping cell phones, iPods and so on. By the way, I own a cellular N73 from Nokia, the “Connecting People” Finnish brand, by my wife command! More than keep connected to me, she wants me under control…

Apparently there is no difference between “loneliness” and “solitude”, as you can see in the following extracts from Wikipedia Dictionary, but solitude sounds better to me and has been elected to be the positive side of not being with someone. On the other hand, loneliness will be taken as the dark side of being alone.

SOLITUDE

Solitude of a person means seclusion or isolation, i.e. lack of contact with other people. It may stem from deliberate choice, contagious disease, disfiguring features or repulsive personal habits, or circumstances of employment or situation.

Short-term solitude is often valued as a time when one may work, think or rest without being disturbed. It may be desired for privacy.

Long-term solitude is often seen as undesirable, causing loneliness or reclusion, resulting from inability to establish relationships. However, for some people solitude is not depressing. Still others (e.g. monks) regard long-term solitude as a means of spiritual enlightenment.

LONELINESS

Loneliness is an emotional state in which a person experiences a powerful feeling of emptiness and isolation. Loneliness is more than just the feeling of wanting company or wanting to do something with another person. Loneliness is a feeling of being cut off, disconnected and alienated from other people. The lonely person may find it difficult or even impossible to have any form of meaningful human contact.

Lonely people often experience a subjective sense of inner emptiness or hollowness, with feelings of separation or isolation from the world.

Nevertheless, there are some subtle lines which should not be unvalued at all. You may, for instance, get connected and yet feel lonely. You may not be connected (ever!) and that might not make you unhappy. You may get integrated and not necessarily get “connected”. You may jump here and there from this to that according to your state of spirit. No matter which of these is one’s case, the fact is that no harm will come from there if you are on control. The dark side of it comes from the fact that, no matter which of those might be one’s case, pain happens if you are not able to keep solitude under control. Aside that, solitude is pleasant, invigorating, refreshing and, above all, saturation prophylactic. Solitude brings contemplation, relaxation and a great time to develop a relationship between one and oneself.

This said, solitude is a good girl. I let her standing by me since I know the “myself” living inside me and I feel our relationship is under control. I know that, like in any other relationship, not all times are good times and once in a while I feel like not standing her any longer. Yet, I always get back to her after some free perambulation among the (still) disturbing humanoids. Time management is fundamental in this case (as in any other) and I always try my best to not stand too long among human miseries. There is so many ways to escape, there is a huge need to do it.

I am nowadays celebrating my tremendous ability to be kept in step with solitude along almost five decades of my journey through life, twenty two years through marriage, nineteen years through parenthood and the as many years through employment in the corporation I am (still) working for⁽⁵⁾. Every man should have, like I have, tailor-made mechanisms to bear with life’s complexities in a way that our mental balance will never be jeopardized. Only then, we achieve some emotional stability which will let us achieve some happiness during our journey through life. Clear definitions and vigorous beliefs are then mandatory. The price is paid in friendship as very few people can handle that much vigor. Nevertheless, I am still alive, I feel good and ready for sin. Thanks to solitude…

May the gods get connected to you, up your flavor…