As of the writing of this post, Pope Benedict XVI(1) must be taking a walk outside, somewhere between Lisbon, Fátima and Porto, in Portugal. For some reason I really do not know what (or why), the Ten Commandments came up to my mind triggered by this visit which, in this case, is simultaneously religious and political (the order of these factors does not seem to be relevant, for me). Are the lunatics already in my head? Anyway, I have decided to place here one version of the Ten Commandments as they are known by (some) Catholics, together with one or two comments which surely will be a big contribution to self-development of my readers. Despite this, please be aware of: nothing serious, adult, educational, prophylactic, orientative, theological or scientific will get out of here. Bypass this post if you are too sensitive to bullshit in form of text.
1 – One
“I am the Lord your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, out of the house of slavery; you shall have no other gods before me. You shall not make for yourself an idol, whether in the form of anything that is in heaven above, or that is on the earth beneath, or that is in the water under the earth. You shall not bow down to them or worship them; for I the LORD your God am a jealous God, punishing children for the iniquity of parents, to the third and fourth generation of those who reject me, but showing steadfast love to the thousandth generation of those who love me and keep my commandments.”
Holy shit! This is a hell of a commandment. I have currently in this blog tens of posts ending with my favorite phrase “may the gods be with you” (check out the lower case I am using for “gods”, will you?). I do not recall this part, during Sunday school, of Catholics venerating a “jealous God”. Shame on me…
2 – Two
“You shall not make wrongful use of the name of the LORD your God, for the LORD will not acquit anyone who misuses his name.”
Noooo… Has anybody read this one? In Portugal (and I am pretty sure, everywhere), the name of God is used by muggers, murderers, pedophiles, robbers, rapers, shoplifters, smugglers, terrorists, thiefs, vandals, burglars, hijackers, hooligans, kidnappers, blackmailers, lawyers, politicians and other nice people. You see? “Oh my God”, “Oh Lord”, “For God sake”, etc, etc.
3 – Three
“Observe the sabbath day and keep it holy, as the LORD your God commanded you. Six days you shall labor and do all your work. But the seventh day is a sabbath to the LORD your God; you shall not do any work—you, or your son or your daughter, or your male or female slave, or your ox or your donkey, or any of your livestock, or the resident alien in your towns, so that your male and female slave may rest as well as you. Remember that you were a slave in the land of Egypt, and the LORD your God brought you out from there with a mighty hand and an outstretched arm; therefore the LORD your God commanded you to keep the sabbath day.”
Oh! Can’t say much about this. I just work five days per week, Saturday is usually a great day and I hate Sundays. Furthermore, I never was a slave. To be exploited in my job, does it count?
4 – Four
“Honor your father and your mother, as the LORD your God commanded you, so that your days may be long and that it may go well with you in the land that the LORD your God is giving you.”
Fully agree. May they rest in peace because they were great people. Besides, they have generated and raised this great piece of art, which happens to be me!
5 – Five
“You shall not kill / You shall not murder”
There are not many people reading this, are there? I believe we, human beings, kill animals and murder people but, anyhow, we do kill and murder as easy as we drink water or change our shirt when is wet by sweat!
6 – Six
“Neither shall you commit adultery.”
Wow! My favorite. I intend to attempt on this one before I die and I already have warned my wife. She didn’t like the idea, I should say, but adultery is really something…
7 – Seven
“Neither shall you steal.”
I won’t. I get nervous, I start sweating, I am no longer able to talk normally only for thinking about the idea of stealing something. No, not me! I bypass this one, ok?
8 – Eight
“Neither shall you bear false witness against your neighbor.”
Well, guys, this world is a dog! If it has to be, let it be. The guy will do it against me anyway if he has the chance to. So, it’s a matter of surviving, isn’t it?
9 – Nine
“Neither shall you covet your neighbor’s wife.”
First time, I have read “cover” instead of “covet”! I and my dirty thoughts…. It’s not a good idea to do it with our neighbor. It’s too close and there is always the possibility of him to be karate black belt. Fortunately, I will not be tempted in the next times because all my neighbors (male) have married for pure love, I mean, no attractive female neighbors have been around…
10 – Ten
“Neither shall you desire your neighbor’s house, or field, or male or female slave, or ox, or donkey, or anything that belongs to your neighbor.”
No way. I love to be poor.
You know what? May the gods be with you…
And with the pope!
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